Riddle Me This
by De rien bitches
Summary: Slight AU for all the Edward N. Riddler fans. A random bit of smutt. Be Ye Warned! If you don't like someone who can talk nerdy to you, midnight dalliances in GCPD morgue, domination and light knife play this ADULT RATED flic is not for you! What if our lethal master mind had a chance to vent, to release some of that anger and angst! The Italian is my best translation not perfec
1. Chapter 1

Jim and Harvey looked up from their paper work at a woman's cry of delight.

A young woman with wild long dark blonde curls ran towards them. Harvey stood with a wide grin and open arms, but they soon dropped as she ran past him. His grin melted into a look of disbelief, calling after her "Seph...?"

She was oblivious, or didn't care. Or perhaps she hadn't heard over her own exclamation

" _Edoardo!"_

What made Jim's eyebrows meet his hair line was who the beautiful young lady ran, then jumped into the arms of... none other than Ed Nygma! Who caught her and swung her around like she weighed nothing.

"Ciao tesoro mio, Edoardo. Mi sei mancato molto _!"_ Instead of putting her down like a normal person would have done he shifted her to his left side, like a parent holding a small child.

" _Sono molto felice di vedere anche voi... il mio raggio di sole._ He spoke perfect Italian (To the beautiful Yong lady who's locked her ankles around his wast) as he tapped her nose with his index finger. she brushed his hand away and shook her curls. He seemed oblivious to both how this behavior would be perceived by others, as well as the six an a half inch heels that looked like they could punche his kidneys, liver and other vital organs.

" _Metà del mio cuore rimane qui con voi... Eddie."_ Nygma gave her, what the dump founded men could only assume was a knowing look. They suddenly noticed one of his hands had been cupping what was arguably one of the greatest sets of assets Harvey had seen. Not that he would admit to it at the moment, because it was being patted by Ed-fucking-Nygma!

"Come now, we have been rude to our friends..."

"You mean _**I**_ was being rude!" The velvet in her voice did not disappear the way most of her accent did when she spoke English.

"Your words..." he said in a tone of voice, and a sideways look that would make a person's skin crawl most days, her reaction was relaxed...It seemed...so...natural... normal? She rested her head on his shoulder, eyes rolling as she said.

"It is rude to speak in a language not understood by everybody in the room."

"And...?" He took her chin in his hand gently turning it upwards so she looked him in the eyes.

"Aaaaannnnnnd... It is rude not to acknowledge all person's, especially if they are your friendsssss... in da room!" She rolled her eyes (hard enough Jim was certain she could see her brain stem) and corrected herself loudly. " _In_ _ **the**_ _room!"_

"It is also considered uncouth to entangled yourself with a person, in such a manner." He motioned two her and himself, with BOTH of his hands. A clear demonstration that she was the reason for the close physical contact. Showing both her strength and his (surprisingly). He handled her weight with a slight counter in his posture. At his admonishment she giggled then she slowly arched herself away from his body until her hand found the floor. With one hand supporting herself she untangled her legs one at a time. Finally exsaquing a flawless walk over, spinning as she righted herself once more. Now she was at the optimum angle to face Edward, Harvey and Jim (She was now standing next to his partner).

"Please except my apologies gentle men..." She shook her curls over her shoulders causing other parts of her person to shake or jiggle in a tempting manner. "Harvey... _Orsacchiotto!"_ She stepped forward and offered her hand.

" Come er you..." He took her outstretched hand and pulled her into a hug. "Now that's more like it!" Pleased with the enthusiasm she responded with, pressing herself deeper into his embrace. Before pulling away slightly so she could weave her fingers through his shaggy hair, guide his whisker covered face closer to hers. She then kissed each cheek only to quickly pulled away laughing.

"It is ... humh, ha, ha, la-like kissing da brush!"

"For you baby doll, I'd shaved!"

"Did I just hear that? Or have I fallen into an alternate reality? Harvey Bullock, cut his hair for a woman?" Miss Lee Tompkins said in mock shock as she descended the stairs to the bullpen. However Mis Kringle'a shock was quite genuine "No really, Harvey, I would love to be introduced to the woman who could sway your...a... ways."

"First of all Lee, hello, nice to see you too!" He began counting out his points of defence on his fingers. "Secondly, I was talk'n bout trimming back my facial hair..."

"O God! Harvey!" Lee exclaimed. Shaking her head as she covered her eyes, like she was trying to get a mental picture out of her head.

"What?" Harvey asked indignantly. "Mind in the gutter Miss Tompkins? Anyway my stubble has been getting a little long." Jim snorted at his partner's denial, watching Harvey stroke his full beard. "Third and most importantly she would appear to be more of Nygma's "lady friend" than mine." He crossed his arm's across his chest after making air quotes and looked expediently at Ed, and the young woman who so far had been identified as Seph'.

"Hello Miss Tompkins...and Mis Kringle?" Her eyes shot to Edward, who nodded. "… I am Persephone Kane, but please call me Seph. I am blessed to count Eddie-ah Edward and Harvey as my friends. Edoardo..." she looked to Edward with a soft yet blissful smile. "...è la mia famiglia! Iss my family, he helped me, built me up when others... well..." A shadow past over her face. "...a lesser man than him, and Harvey..." She quickly added winking at the sage Detective. "... would take advantage, have used and manipulated me. But not dem, they are the true gentlemen!" She beamed.

"Dying breed us gents!" Harvey beamed along with Seph as he slapped Ed on the back hard enough to make him step forward.

"Well, the two of them never cease to surprise me." Lee blurted out, not really meaning to say it out loud.

"Or me!" Jim added.

"Oh yes! My apologies..." Ed began but Harvey spoke over him.

"This is my Partner, Jim Gordon, white knight in training. Taught him everything he knows." It was Jim's, Lee and Ed's turn to cover their laughter poorly. "Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up!"

"It iss so nice to see you amongst friends. It helps me stay hopeful..." Seph started to tear up, she stomped her foot in frustration. "I... I just ca-hame h-here to ask if I could hav lunch wit Edward. I made some of our favorites and just got two dozen of da rubrics cubes." Her accent deepened as her voice shook with emotion. She took a deep breath in and fanned her face. "But I make dee mess of tings." Edward handed her a handkerchief which she excepted with a trembling smile. The rest of the group felt uneasy knowing they wouldn't count Edward Nygma as a friend out side of work. That is all except for Mis Kringle, who felt uncomfortable for a number of reasons. Lee suddenly connected the dots.

"Ed, where have you been hiding... Sa, Seph?" Lee blurted out a little louder than she meant.

"Yes, _'Eddie'_ you've never mentioned _Her."_ Edward cought the change in Mis Kringle'a tone of voice but looked slightly puzzled

"No one at the GCPD has ever asked me about my family, including you Mis Kringle." His statement was followed by a painfully awkward silence. Edward then continued, all the while seemingly oblivious to the discomfort of the others. "It would seem there is an underlying acqucaction to your questions..."

"Please!" Seph' voice and expression cold and stone, the velvet replaced with a dangerous edge. "There is no explanation needed for your actions, nor do we have an obligation to define our relationship!" She spoke in rapid fire mix of several languages (mostly Italian) then turned on her heel quickly making her way towards the buildings front doors.

"Pardon me." Ed flashed the group a large faked smile while excusing himself to follow after her

¿Riddler?

He quickly caught up to her, easily deducing where she hid herself to wait for him. Grinning wickedly as he rounded the corner he grabbed her, jerking her body against his own. He gave a warning growl to holt her ungulating pelvis. His hand shot to her neck when she gave a disapproving whimper. She closed her eyes for a long blink while taking two studying breaths.

"Good girl." He rewarded her with a tender kiss on her slightly parted lips. When she countined to obye his rules to their game by not responding unless commanded, he rewarded her once again. His arched brow and the slightest of nods gave her permission to act as she chose to. She nuzzled against his chest as she guided his hands to the curves of her body

"I missed you... I'm sorry..." A dark chuckle sent electric tingles down her spine.

"...lair..." He whispered before kissing her with bruising force. He allowed himself to enjoy the physical sensation of their combined lust. The smug satisfaction of keeping her (well this side of her) to himself without 'Eddie' knowing was what had kept him quiet for so long. However She had grown distant the last few months... Angering him. Grabbing her face to wrench it from his own, shoving her away.

"You lied to me."

"I omited." She smiled back definitely at his manic grin.

She had been hiding her return to Gotham from him, lying to him. He wanted to punish her, brutalize her, but she would enjoy it as much as he. No her punishment would be difficult for all of them. Because 'Eddie' needed to listen, and it would test just how far he could push the both of them.

"You don't ever lie to me!" He demanded menacingly. Her response was throwing her head back as she laughed at him. He seethed with rage, yet at the same time he understood the irony of it all. She lied to dear sweet Eddie all the time, even if it was mostly half truths and decete by omission. She was the only one that saw the whole, knew the whole. Seph understood all of him, and cherished even the weakest and darkest parts of him. While his wished away parts of himself she adored both men.

To be jealous of one's self, such an odd sensation...

"You are right..." she sighed once her giggles faded. "I'm not sorry!" Ah! Her eyes had a spark of jealousy answered his own angry glint. It was his turn to laugh, chuckling as he mouthed the word Oh.

"Mis, Kringle..." Her pout was so adorble, his anger faded with it. Clicking his tugne at her he gathered her into his arms. "I suppose this is mostly my fault..."

"Ya think?" She sassed in a perfect Gotham accent. He answered her with a resounding slap to her ass.

"Naughty pet!..." He said in a throaty growl. "I am afraid I forgot your own needs and short comings... You are such an exscuisd creature."

"We... you should go soon. You'll be missed"

"He'll be missed..." He corrected, than kissed her

"You are him..." She aruged between kisses. "And he... Is you." He rolled his eyes and contiued to kiss her back. "I want you, go on check." She brought his much larger hand to the waistline of her jeans. "Please..." With a smug smile he dipped his hand into her pants, he could feel the damping of silk from her arousal. He quickly withdrew his hand

"You are not to relieve yourself, no touching, no masterbation! You are being punished, do you understand?" she nodded "Go home, you an Eddie can have races when he's done with work. I want you to change into a dress or skirt and forgo undergarments! And remember, under no circumstances are you allowed to relieve sexual tention unless… It done with…." He pretended to mull ideas over. "Unless it done by, or infont of Eddie." He could not contain his wicked smile.

The four of his colleagues we're still standing by the Detective's desks when he returned.

"Find her?" Harvy inquired Ed shook his head no.

"I am aware that I am not the best at reciving or exaqucting social ques or graces. Seph is a beautiful intelligent woman, many would consider her friendship a boon for their social status. To escort her to the officers ball, or other social gathering would reflect on any man in a favorable manner. Our friendship is not because it is beneficial by scocity's standards, or because of primitive physical attraction. I love and care for her, as she loves and cares for me. I would refer our relationship closer to that of two family members. But our deep feelings for one another stems from the fact that we both have been estranged by our family due to our intellect. Knowledge, isn't always empowering, it can be crippling. Having an answer to problems… Problems to thing most persons couldnt fathom it effecting them... it is not unlike what I could only assume going mad feels like. And while it has been difficult for myself, it has been much more for Seph, who is judged on her physical appearance not her QI of 170. For instance, she had mentioned that she had brought arubixcube, as a game we both find relaxing. We race to finish twevel in the fastest time. Her friendship has enlightened my perspective, understanding, and beliefs of what a relationship between can be between a man and woman. Not only is it possible to love and respect a person of any gender without sexualizing them, it is what should be the norm not the exception." _**What a pantie peeler…**_ Thought the Riddler. _**Just look at that simple minded, battered lamb. Oh Eddie you shining Knight!**_

"I'm sorry I... I had no idea…" Mis Kringle began, searching for the words to express herself. Edd's eyebrows furrowed, hardening his face slightly

"Why are you apologizing? You made your assumtion, or deduction from incomplete Data. I find your reaction some what complimentary. It would imply a desire for honesty between us, the best relationships, of any kind are founded on being open and honest with one another." Both Harvy and Jim were being schooled by arguly the biggest nerd in Gotham. Harvy couldn't care less, while Jim felt awkward. Lee was smiling with a thoughtful expression. Jim was wondering when Edd Nigma became so informed on relationships.

Miss Kringle's head was held a little higher, with the countenance of a woman proud of her significant other. If she had any hesitance remaining about their double date with Lee and Jim, it had evaporated with Edds enlightened words. Perhaps it was his typical social bumbling that made his words such a revelation, so unscripted and meaningful


	2. Remembering

NOT. SO LONG AGO.

Drumming his fingers he waited. Time ticking by, the applicant was officially late. Which did nothing to releave a nagging itch in the back of his mind. What a waist of his time. It made perfect sense for his superior to assign him the uneventful, and often trying chore of the mentoring program. After all, it was the only time the head of his department egknowalge him as useful due to the fact that he 'intimadted' all the applicants, none had returned after the first day since he took over the task. He itched the back of his collar absence mindedly for just a moment before yelling broke his angry trance like state. He couldn't actually see what was compelling the now bleeding Officer Chanko forward as he screamed 'phyco bitch!'. Detective Bullock hit the back of the Officer's head with his open hand.

"Shut up Chanko! Lucky for you the chief was around. If it was me, you'd still be face down crying like a little girl... Hell I'd been hold'in you while she punched!"

He winked at the yet to be seen female hidden by the bulk of the two men who had taken over escorting Officer Thanks, one of the insufferable Officer Dougherty friends.

"Detective Bullock, do all us _little girl's_ a favor, and stop comparing us to this throwback from the Paleolithic era." Her voice had the slightest of accent, coupled with the way she rolled her R's suggested her frist language was Hispanic.

"Ah.. Yeah, I'll do that, and please just Harvey."

"I still prefer formal titles, but thank just the same..."

Finally he could see the female in question, or of his questions at least. Long dirty blonde hair twisted into two braids. Obviously curly, and unruly, they were barely contained by the elastic bands holding them

"Hey Nygma, found Yer intern, shadow kid... person... un'less you're wait'n round the bullpen fer sum other reason..."

"No, no. No other reason. And it is quite evident Miss Kane can handle herself..."

"No shit Sherlock..." Nyma felt a new bubble of anger well up. He still had a fake vacant smile, his eyes however glared at the Detective through slightly narrowed eyelids. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Miss Kane's own change in demeanor.

"Detective Asshat! What my mentor was about to say before you so rudely interrupted him..." She shot Nygma a quick smile. Before anger marred her youthful face once more. "... was I never was lost, therefore I never needed to be found!"

"What happened to Miss title's and by the book? That wasn't very respectful way to speak to an Officer of the law." Nygma's eyes narrowed his eyes farther, were they 'flirting'? She answered with a sigh and sheepish smile

"So cuff me." She bit back with a twinkle in her eyes as she offered him her hands, wrists touching.

"When er 18... And only If you ask nicely." He was sure that was a sexual innuendo.

"Such a tease!" She said with a shake of her head, her full attention now trained on Nygma. His eyes flicked to his watch then back to his note board. Quickly rechecking her age but it what not listed on her application. He admitted to his inner self that he found her attractive, simply to keep him from pestering him about. She was attractive, but in no more ascetically pleasing manner than other female that's physical appearance suggested strong genetics. However If he had to use one word to describe Miss Kane in a popularulture, it would be… adorable. Comically huge black brown eye's behind eyelashes that were, like her eyes, almost out of proportion in size/length. Freckles playfully painted her face, which was a medium olive skin tone. Her most distracting feature was one single, solitary brown dot that was on the line of her lip. Half of it joined the others on her face and neck, other half the only blemish on her perfect pouty lips. His jaw flexed when he heard the echo''pruuuuuu-fectly pouty lips..." She wasn't wearing makeup, unless they were faults eyelashes... Did that count as makeup? They didn't look fake...

"Shall we sir?" When he didn't answer she bit her lip, hiding what she assumed had caught his attention with a rather sharp looking caine. The action brought up more primal feeling but he quickly squashed them making eye contact as he cleared his throat.

"It drives everyone crazy..." She offered as conversation. "I am told constantly... 'that I have a little something right there...' She pantomimed out the reaction "...which isn't as ercome as someone trying to wipe it off." The slightest of hiss escaped as she curled her lip at the thought. "My deepest apologies, I have been wasting your valuable time." He give a Curt nod and a sniff.

"It is expected that we will not accomplish much, if anything today." He kept his demeanor as cold and professional as possible. "Have you been made aware of the general layout of the building? Where you are and not allowed to go?" He spyed at her form out of the corner of his glasses when she chuckled darkly.

"Not really, _officer Chanko..."_ her voice dripped with venom. "... offered to but he was more interested in playing grabass. Bastard never should have gotten through the academy! "Lupi caccia pecore non Lupi."

"Your comment is pointless when it is not understood by who, or whom, you share it" He sounded annoyed, but really he was hiding the fact that he was impressed. She had be a foot shorter than himself not to mention her petite build would make the odds of the outcome of a physical altercation less than favorable. But she had apparently bested Chanko. The confidence of her physical presence was admittedly intimating.

"Is that right?" A sly smile graced her face... TBC


End file.
